While I was organizing files on my computer yesterday, I found a set of documents I used to write a few years ago. They were sort of like my diary. Even though I was blogging, I felt that my blog got to the point where I couldn’t be as personal as I wanted so I started these “diaries” as a supplement. Sometimes I’d write in them daily. Sometimes a week would go by but there was always something in it.

Each doc covered a different time period in my life and as I read through them, I immediately went back to that time. One doc was from about 10 years ago. The other, more recent,  like 2-3 years ago. 

I think the thing that stood out the most after re-reading these was the tone of my writing. They were COMPLETELY different to the point where someone reading it might think it was two different people. As you can guess, I was just in a different place in life during each time so I’m sure I can chalk up some it to that but I know me and I’m having a hard time convincing myself of that. And as I sit here and type this blog post out, I’m now realizing one of the differences. 


In both “diaries”, I wrote out my goals. In the one from 10 years ago, well, I crushed all of those goals. In the one from 2-3 years ago, I only met a few and the difference between the two was the level of conviction I had. In the one from 10 years ago, my words and statements were strong. “I WILL….buy a house, pay off student loans, etc”. In the one from 2-3 years ago, my words and statements were soft. “I’D LIKE TO…..”

My “like” essentially a “lack” and I put no hard timelines on accomplishing them. Looking back through the rest of the entries, my mind was “weak”. I would push then stop. Push then stop and then never start back up again. I would get distracted and that was it. It was over. I was frustrated and I know for sure, I didn’t learn from the experience (because I still have a tendency to repeat some of those same actions!)

When my mind was strong, my convictions were strong. My confidence rode high. I’m sure I faced distractions but I dealt with them, head on, and got back on track. I was DISCIPLINED. I was FOCUSED. I nourished my spirit and in turn, it nourished me.

Let me tell you, looking back on myself through these “diaries” have been eye opening. It’s been like looking in a mirror only it took me back a few years. I’ve challenged myself to re-invest and rebuild myself (six million dollar man style – only the older heads will get that). 

At some point, you have to reflect. At some point, you’ve got to understand that where you are today is a direct result was decisions and actions you’ve taken in the past. BUT – you can’t let any of those get you down or in a rut. You’ve got to keep on keepin’ on. 

When You’re Too Old for Childish Stuff

Yesterday, Deion Sanders took to Twitter to tell the world that his wife and her friend attacked him in his house. He even twitpic’ed a picture of him and the boys filling out a police report.


*Le Sigh*

I don’t know what I’m more upset about. The fact that he used social media to tell the world that his wife jacked him up. The fact that he took a picture for proof. The fact that his kids took to twitter to pop off. You know I can reason (a little bit) with the tweet from him and the picture. I’m thinking that if he would have came forward and said it, people might not believe him. So if he’s reporting live, in the moment, on twitter, then it’s a little more believable. Right? Maybe? Am I reaching?

Here’s what I’m most upset about. Deion is like 44,45 years old. Pilar is what? 38?  Doesn’t that make them too grown for this nonsense? Twitter or no twitter. I know love can make people do some crazy things and divorce is not for the weak-hearted. I know people who were so in love one day and the next day, they can’t stand the thought of the other person. Relationships, marriage, divorce are hard enough as is but when you bring external factors (i.e. the Twitter world, other people) things just amplify.

But for dignity sake, for their kids sake, can they just act like grown-ups?


Da Babbles

How does taking a picture of your ass in a thong make you a model? What exactly are you modeling? Thongs? Booty implants maybe? How about butt hair removal products?

When did video vixen become an actual career?

People who have music on their web page….I dunno man. I’m not talking about a music player where there’s a selection of songs and I can pick. I’m talking about music playing as soon as you go to the page. I get that…music on the answering machine feel. That was cool in the 90’s but now……hang up.

How many of you called someone’s phone when you knew they wouldn’t answer and played a song? Don’t front. (he/she had you OPEN). I did it. Especially when I fugged up. I was playing Jodeci Stay. “whooooooo-yeah” (K-ci voice)

You know what’s dumb? Twitter beef. But wait….wait….hold up. Social media and reality shows are putting people on a pedestal that shouldn’t be near one. To me, Denzel is a celebrity. You’re not a celebrity if you boned an athlete. No, to me, you’re just a  jump off or as one athlete put it “a post game workout”. That’s it. So when you start popping off on line or on a show, you really make yourself look silly.

Speaking of real celebrities though — Kerry Washington, Scandal, every Thursday on my tv screen = orgasmic. Yeah I said it, orgasmic. I’m talking out of breath, curl up, don’t touch me, bring me some cherry Kool-aid orgasmic.

Everytime I see Rick Ross, I start doing pushups. Man boobs = no bueno.

I waited until 10:59pm to finish my taxes. I wanted to hold on to my money until the last minute. Damn Uncle Sam.

I’m babbling. I’m out. Be back tomorrow.

Challenge Yourself

A few weeks ago, I was on a business trip with a co-worker of mine that I’ve never traveled with before. In fact he doesn’t travel much for the company because it’s not a function of his job. He’s a software developers so you know, it’s rare that he’s customer facing at times. I know how these guys are sometimes. Not of all of them but some of them cringe at the thought of even interacting with a customer. They may even cringe at the thought of interacting with other co-workers! During this trip, we had quite a fair share of interactions and in the beginning, he was a little apprehensive. But he asked me questions, listened to what I said and soon he found his groove. It was fun to watch.

I was talking to him yesterday and somehow we got into exchanging stories about growing up. I found out he used to weigh over 300 lbs (he’s significantly less now). I found out he ran marathons. I found out he is trying to overcome his fear of public speaking . So I asked him how he does/did it. He said he challenges himself.

It wasn’t really the answer I was expecting but honestly, it was an answer I understood. Clearly. We tend to get comfortable. We tend to shy away from the things that require effort, hard work. We want it now not later. We don’t want to be pushed. We have our comfort zone and anything outside of it, well, can stay outside.  We don’t want to start something, run into issues and then feel like we’ve failed.

I immediately did some reflection. For some reason, his story just resonated with me because for one thing, I had no idea and I also just start asking myself the same question.

Do I challenge myself? Am I being challenged? 

I’m not saying I’m lazy. Far from it. But I know for sure that lately I don’t push like I used to. Giving up sweets for Lent was a challenge albeit a small one but it was successful. I want more. So I’m going to take some time to identify areas of my life where I’m too comfortable and make some challenges which will result in changes. I’ll document them on this here blog thingy to hold myself accountable and so that you all can hold me accountable too.

Maybe what I do will inspire some of you to do the same.

Crispy Chicken and Fresh Lettuce

Crispy Chicken, Fresh Lettuce, Three Cheeses.

Hold up. 

So the internet (read: digital streets) were set abuzz this past week when Mary J Blige was singing about  chicken in the new Burger King ad. Burger King reacted. Pulled the ad. Got Mary on her heels too. 

I heard so many different stories before I actually saw the ad. I heard she was singing with a piece of fried chicken in her mouth. Luckily that wasn’t the case. 

I have mixed feelings about it. 

On one hand I’m like c’mon Mary. Chicken. Really? What’s the 411? (pun intended) 

On the other hand, I’m thinking how is this any different from the black lady on Popeye’s commercial talking about chicken (who annoys me) or rappers rhyming about 40’s/liquor (they annoy me too) or those commercials that come on during the billion judge shows or reality shows that talk about these career training “colleges” and the only people in the commercial are blacks/latinos.

“Hi I’m a single mom and I was sitting at home doing nothing until I saw this commercial for  the BAC* school and now I’m a medical biller blah blah blah”

Guess what, those annoy me even more!

Oh oh and I KNOW you remember the McDonalds commercial where the dude was singing about his girl creeping in the night for some damn McNuggets. What he say? “Why can’t you share with me?” Dude was crooning…

Oh oh Jackson Hewitt had us dancing cause we got a tax refund……

The point is black people have been singing and dancing in commercials for years (ask Tyrese) and a large part of it is target marketing. You create a message to a target demographic in hopes that they see, they like, they buy. The marketing campaign is either successful or it fails miserably. 

The company cares about it’s bottom line. The celebrity in the commercial should care about their reputation (so should the company). Ultimately it’s the consumer though who has the most power. Don’t like the commercial or the product, don’t buy it.  Watch how things change.

Be Yourself

Don’t allow yourself to have the mindset of the world – Creflo Dollar

I typed out a whole blog post previously and when I went to save it, it disappeared. I see I have to treat WordPress like Microsoft Word now and save my posts every 5 minutes just cause.

Anyway, before my old post so graciously disappeared, I was typing about a friend and I were discussing how people either lose or don’t have an identity. It started out specifically targeting the younger generation but then we realized it’s more than that. It seems that we get so caught up with imagery through social media, internet, tv, radio that we lose ourselves and who we really are.

We lose a concept of reality. The real reality. Not the fake one you see on these tv shows like Basketball (not one of them is a) Wives (I know my grammar was wrong). Tell me you don’t know people who want to be like that. I’ve met more “generation y” people who want to do reality/entertainment, who want to be a Kim (someone leaked my tape) Kardashian. Hell there are generation x’ers and baby boomers that just seemed “lost”. Seemed like they somehow got caught up and don’t want to admit it.

I get caught up too. I drift and usually it’s when there’s an issue I’m dealing with that I don’t feel like facing or there’s something on the horizon. But eventually, I know, I have to come back down to earth – so to speak – and deal with it.

Stop frontin’ for people. Stop trying to be in the “in” crowd. Stop trying to satisfy other people’s perceptions and conform to other people’s standards and just do you.


Random | modnaR

Random thoughts:

When does Lent end? Some say April 7th. Google says April 5th. Either way, at most, I have 11 more days left in more “no sweets” journey. To think I haven’t had any junk food in weeks. I did have a sweet tea though. I was traveling for work. My co-worker got it for me as we had a long drive and there were no places to stop. I got thirsty and well. I drank it. But that’s the only one. I know one thing, whatever day it ends, I will have Georgetown Cupcakes and Sweet Tea on deck!

Occasionally I’ll look at a fashion blogs just to see what the ladies and gents are wearing. One day though it hit me. I was thinking “who takes all of these damn pictures?!?!?!?” So I put the question out on twitter and got responses like “they have a tripod”, “their best friend”, “their man/boyfriend/husband”….SCCCREEEEEEEECH. Their wha? You mean you want me to take 5 photos of what you’re wearing everyday? Tell’em Clay…(NSFW)

The other thing with fashion blogs is that some of them aren’t really fashionable. They just throw stuff together and say thats hot. Its not. Sometimes I’ll look at an outfit and say “WTF was she thinkin?” or “She wore that to work?” Tell me I’m not the only one.

Speaking of work, when are we gonna learn? Why do people tweet, post a status on FB about their dislike for work or their boss? If you’re going to do that, make sure your page is private, unless you want to get fired.

Speaking of social media, stop believing everything you read. Make sure it’s true. You know how many people have “accidently” died on Twitter?

My new neighbors – well – they’ve been pretty excited about the warm weather. Like after 11pm sitting on their front porch blasting music excited. Like having a rack of dudes on the front porch drinking beers excited. BTW, this is during the week! Like having friends pull up and scream their name instead of ringing the door bell excited. I think Sixty’s neighbors moved down here.

Peace and love.

Like a Fiend

I decided to give up sweets for Lent.

Today, marks 2 weeks into this journey.

To be more specific I mean junk food. No cookies, candy, cake and the like. In addition, I’m giving up on sweet tea. Let me tell y’all. Sweet tea is my achilles heel. If I can have it infused into my blood stream, I would have done it a long time ago. Chick-Fil-A, McDonald’s, Gold Peak, Arizona, now Snapple…..I’m telling you man. I get real crackheadish around it.

Like Pookie…..

“It be calling me man”

Or Gator….

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Sad State of Affairs

Two events this past weekend had me shaking my head.

I read a tweet from a stripper exotic dancer where she was bragging about making more money in one night than kids with college degree. I’m sure she’s right. I’m sure she was rolling in the dirty money but the tweet (and following tweets) were ridiculous.

A party flier promoting an event at a nightclub. On the flier, it said “calling all bad b@tches”. Yup. You read it right “only bad b@tches” allowed.

What is going on?

It seems that on today’s world, people are more concerned with materialism and the quick buck. I’m not knocking anyone and their hustle. I understand we’re in a recession, times are hard, jobs are tough to come by, etc. Some of these “BET” generation folks are just misguided and walking around lost.

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