The Babble

A bunch of rambling starts now: It’s Friday snitches.

* When I grow up, I want to be a meteorologist (fancy name for someone who tells the weather). It’s the only profession I know of (well maybe except lawyer), where you can lie and still have a job the next day. As a consultant, I can’t do it. I can’t lie. I won’t get paid. Doesn’t work. Hoes can’t do it. Pimps want their money. Doesn’t work. Weather person?!? They get away with it and all they have to do is blame it on the "models". While I wasn’t looking forward to shoveling, I was thinking there would be at least some inches of snow. READ MY LIPS (virtually) – NOT COMPLAINING AT ALL but when a brother is waiting in line at Costco for gas like it’s the last apocalypse, I’m thinking this "Snowquester" is real. Nope. Dud. Enough of winter, let’s bring on spring away. Tired of wearing overcoats and puffy jackets. Ready for light coats and blazers. (although I’m not ready for the ladies to give up the knee high boots….hi ladies *pimp winks*)

* Here’s a life lesson I posted on Twitter yesterday: You can’t help people who don’t want to be helped. I tried helping someone as much as I could throughout a bunch of life situations. As a friend, you never want to see another friend go through it but yet lately this person has been……rude (that’s the best way to describe it) and indirect. It’s at the point now where I just don’t communicate with them and in fact, I’m distancing myself from them. Too much in life to deal with bullshuckas.

* Lion’s are in the news. First the zoo helper gets mauled. Then this http://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/sex-romp-turns-deadly-lion-attacks-article-1.1281125. While I would love to have sex in the woods, the thought that a lion could roll up on me while a woman is riding me is f*cking crazy. (No pun intended) It’s an instant mood killer. I would be too worried about what happened, especially if I’m on top. I mean I’ve got questions man. I just can’t……Then imagine a dude running up on your car butt ass naked with just a condom on. This story is C-R-A-Z-Y! I would think dude is high on bath salts. I’d probably keep driving like most of the other drivers did. And is anyone else wondering how the condom stayed on?!?!

* Read that last one over again. Lions son!

* It’s a damn shame that in a workplace full of adults, the bathroom is a freakin’ mess. You gotta wonder how people live at home. The first thing that teach you as a boy is to point and shoot. Then shake. But for some dudes, their aim is way off. It’s nasty. You know I think I need a post on bathroom etiquette.

* This Harlem Shake shit is outta control (although the Miami Heat one is funny). For one, it sounds nothing like music that would come out of Harlem and for two, I don’t even get what their shaking. Me old.

* But I do like that Will.i.am and Britney (bitch) song…although I don’t like the fact that I have to hit the mute button on bitch when kids are in the car. Can’t have them walking around saying "britney bitch!" at school.That would revoke my parent of the year award.

* Chris Brown and Lil’ Wayne need their asses whooped.

* Pocket knives on a plane now. I’m gonna need the TSA to think really carefully about that one.

* Yesterday I joined a gym (again). I hadn’t joined one in over two years since I had been working out at home. Now I’m back and actually looking forward to it (and the phatties on the treadmill….*waves*…hi ladies *pimp wink*…). I can’t lie, lately I’ve been obsessed with muscles. It’s crazy. I’m on bodybuilding websites and everything. And seeing women cut up (not overdoing it- like a Jeanette Jenkins body) I’m like DAMMMMN son.

End Babble.

Catch a Hint. Feel a Vibe.

The one thing I think I’ve always been good at is catching a hint and going with my gut when I feel a vibe. You remember how you met a male/female and gave them your number and something about them turned you off and instead of saying "look you’re wack you’ll never get with me", you just try to be nice and not return their call or answer the phone or respond to a text? (damn that’s a long run on sentence).

But it never worked because they were persistent until one day you had to just say "lose my number" or something to that effect.

Eventually they disappeared but then every now and then, they would pop up (on holidays) just to make sure you’re sure you want nothing to do with them.

Everyone has done it. Yup. Me too. (removes halo).

But I can honestly say, I’ve never been the thirsty dude on the other side of the equation. I remember pursuing a young lady once. We exchanged numbers. I called her once. She said she’d call me back. Never did. I called her again. Voicemail. I called her one more time. Nothing. I let it go. I have a pretty strict 3 contact rule. I’ll hit you up 3 times. If I don’t get nothing in return, I’m done. Peace. Deuces. Out. Holla if you wanna chat.

You should know when people are interested in you. You can feel the vibe. They answer the phone and even if they’re busy, they’ll talk for a hot second. Despite what people think, you can feel a vibe through words, email and text. If the email is short and there’s no follow-up, you’re damn near close to being considered spam and they probably have a filter on it sending you to the trash.

So why am I talking about this?

Well, someone regularly hits me up for advice and convo. I regularly check in with them but lately I’ve noticed that I’m the initiator and the only time they initiate is when they want something (which has happened more lately than before). Said person is looking for a new job and as a friend I’m helping, so when I call said person with a lead, I can’t get a hold of them. Left a message. Sent a text. Tried this twice. Heard nothing. Crickets. Hmmm. Said person called and needed some help with their kids. I help. A few weeks later, I call said person to ask if they can return the favor. Crickets. Said person calls for dating/relationship advice. I give. Yesterday I call and text said person because I really needed help with something. Said person is no where to be found and hits me up this morning talking about, I missed your call and text.

Strike 3. Shame on me.

As soon as I pulled into the parking lot, I did the finger swipe on their contact info. As soon as that red button appeared, I touch it and hit OK.

Delete.

Touche

Me: I wonder if there’s a way I can cop that new iPhone.

Her: Why? (with confused and that “you’ve got to be kidding me look*). You just got one in December

Me: Well it’s not the iPhone 5.

Her: But your phone isn’t even a year old.

Me: If I can just figure out a way to break even, I’m good. But at the worse case, if I act quick, I’ll have to pay less than the retail.

Her: You’d go through all of that for a phone. Are you serious? You can’t be serious.

Me: Hey, remember last year, we were in the mall and you bought those boots to wear to [insert friends name] birthday party and then we get to Nordstroms and you see another pair and you buy those too. How much did that cost?

Her: *silence*

Me: And then…remember that time you bought the Michael Kors purse and then you went back and got the other one….ummm….ummm…what’s called again…..the umm….

(now I know the name, I’m doing this on purpose)

Her: It was a damn Dooney & Burke….arggghh…..go get your iPhone!

I laid back on the couch, put my feet up, drank my sweet tea and thought to myself…..Touche….

Boomin’

This evening, I left a restaurant for a post-work business meeting and as I walked to the parking lot, I noticed a dude – maybe early to mid 20’s – get in his car. He dropped all of his windows and started blasting some Meek Mill – I’m a boss. He chilled for  a sec then backed out of the parking spot. As he turned the corner, he saw some young ladies walkin’ his way. I know. I saw them too. Same age if I was to guess by the clothing. All of a sudden, I heard him hit the rewind button on the song like 2-3 times right as he was pullin’ closer to the ladies.

Ahhhhhhhhhhh……..Yup. I used to do the same thing…..back in the 90’s.

I remember when I got my first car – an ’86 Accord – bought it myself, only a couple of thousand that I had stashed from throwing parties in college. I was determined to get a car by my senior year and I did. It had like 150K miles on it which to a Honda is like 20K miles. Power everything. I copped it in Pennsylvania and the first thing I did when I drove it to Brooklyn? I went right to Utica Ave and tinted my windows, got the crazy “chirp chirp” 5 siren alarm system and got the must have accessory. Nope. Not rims.

A benzi box.

Remember that? (no? Google it.)

If you had a car and you had one, you were hot shit. And if you had a pager and a bag phone, you were hott-er shit. I had a pager but no bag phone. Semi-hot. Maybe luke warm. Anyway, I got the car and flossed. Everywhere. In the Bronx with my boys. 3rd Ave. In Queens on Linden. And back home in Brooklyn – cruising through downtown, hoping to catch a shorty coming out of Dr. Jays or Juniors. Or even better, that summer, I went back to school early. Why? Freshman orientation!!!!! I stood in front of the car, all windows down, music playing with my boys in front of the student union. Yup. All game.

My mom schooled me. Always told me to keep your car clean both inside and out. That (amongst other things) impresses the ladies. My car never met a car wash or vacuum it didn’t like. Stayed clean with the yellow Vanillaroma trees hanging from the mirror.

The best part though was deciding which music I was going to keep in the car. You had to have something to blast and you had to have some smooth stuff in case you had to give a honey a ride. For the ladies, I had Jodeci and Intro ready at a moment’s notice. Had some Tribe, De La, Wu-Tang, mix tapes all in the whip as well but what’s funny is the first song I remember playing when I got the car and the Benzi……

C to the O to the O to the L to the I to the N to the F to the R to the O to the N to the T to the I to the N…

That means I’m chillin’

Meant to Be

*taps mic*

Is this thing on?

I thought this blog was gone. In fact, I know it was gone. I remember hitting delete and saying ‘yes’ when the “are you sure?” question came up. I was sure. Delete. Gone.

So here I am going along thinking that there is no more blog and then this past weekend, I get the urge to write a post. Ugh. Gotta start a new blog again right? I hold off and begin to catch up on the blog world. It’s been a long time. Too long. I’ve read about everyone’s highs (been there) and lows (been there too) and when I went to comment one of my favorite blogs, it takes my login – recognizes it – and post it with no problem. Hmmm?

So I decide to click on another link and bam! My blog. Still here. Chillin’. Up in the cut. Layin’ low.

Then I started questioning myself. You know how sometimes you leave the house and your brain starts messing with you? Did you leave the lights on? Did you turn the stove off? Is the garage door up? Yup. Exactly.  Did I really hit delete? Did I ever get a confirmation email? Was a brotha dreaming?

Maybe it’s just meant to be. Hmm…..

I was an engineer major in college so naturally I’m a math and science guy which means my brain thinks there’s always an answer to a problem. Always an answer to a situation. And sometimes when I get the answer,  I want to know how people got there. Now. Immediately. It has to make sense.

Over the last couple of weeks I’ve had to re-learn that while there is probably a reason something happened or an answer to my question, I may not get it immediately. It may be years before I know and I can’t change that. I have to accept, let go and keep it moving.

Maybe it’s just meant to be.

Do the Crime…

How’s that saying go again?

Do the crime, pay the time? Do the crime, do the time?

On June 1st, Floyd Mayweather Jr reported to jail to serve time for a domestic violence charge. He is supposed to serve 90 days (well 87 to be exact – he got a 3 day credit) for the charge. He allegedly beat the mother of two of his kids while the kids were watching (and allegedly he threatened them too)For those of you who don’t know who he is, he’s a boxer (and a pretty good one I’ll admit and is a savvy business man but will also not hesitate to flaunt his wealth either).

So this past week, his lawyer files a judgement to have Mr. Mayweather either removed from jail and placed on house arrest in a “an apartment less luxurious” than his house or move into jail with the general population. But if they move him to general population, they’re afraid he won’t be safe.

There’s also claims, form his lawyer and doctor, that his health has been seriously deteriorating because he “chooses” to not drink the water (he doesn’t do tap water), and he’s only consuming 800 calories per day (when he’s used to 3,000-4,000 per day) because he “chooses” not to eat all the food.

When this story first broke, there were so many stories and people on the internet defending him. “She set him up”, “he’s not being treated like a human” ….

What am I missing? Am I missing something?

I don’t feel sorry for the dude. Not one bit. This isn’t his first domestic violence charge. He had one in 2002 and one in 2004 and served no jail time in either case. Now, he gets time – gets it postponed (so he can fight) and then goes in and 10 days later, he can’t take it anymore. Why do people demoralize a domestic violence charge as it’s no big deal? If he was man enough to do whatever he did to her (rumors vary on what happened), then he should be man enough to do the time. Right?

It’s More Than Money

Did anyone see this last week?

T.O and Dr. Phil? I know it’s old news.

The first time I watched it, I didn’t really pay any “real” attention to it. I mean, technically I was “working” so I couldn’t really concentrate. The second time, I watched and listened.

To be honest, I have mixed feelings but what it boils down to, on both sides is, it’s more than just money. Whether it was a tv thing or not, both sides brought up the payment of child support. The payment.

Annoying.

I hate  don’t like when people equate parenthood to money.  I realized that financial support is needed but it’s more than that. When my mom and dad got divorced, I just remember my mom literally laughing at what the court decided would be my child support check. But she didn’t trip. All she wanted was for him to spend time with me. Show me things that a man should teach his son and all the rest of that stuff. Not just send a check (or in my dad’s case have it deducted monthly). Pick up the phone. Call. Write. Communicate.

I think that’s what the gist of what T.O’s kid’s mothers were trying to say but there were times during the show when I felt that they were about the money. Like why does he have to pay for your flight for you to bring your child to see him? Why can’t you pay for it with the $20K a month you were getting? And even with his pay well documented, how come they denied him seeing his child when he reduced the payment? (from 20K to 15K) …..these things make me wonder. If I was him (or Diddy or anyone paying that much in child support), I’d ask for an itemized record of what exactly that money is used for.

But you know what would make everything easier? How about you just use protection? $10 is a lot cheaper than $20,000.

 

Introspection

While I was organizing files on my computer yesterday, I found a set of documents I used to write a few years ago. They were sort of like my diary. Even though I was blogging, I felt that my blog got to the point where I couldn’t be as personal as I wanted so I started these “diaries” as a supplement. Sometimes I’d write in them daily. Sometimes a week would go by but there was always something in it.

Each doc covered a different time period in my life and as I read through them, I immediately went back to that time. One doc was from about 10 years ago. The other, more recent,  like 2-3 years ago. 

I think the thing that stood out the most after re-reading these was the tone of my writing. They were COMPLETELY different to the point where someone reading it might think it was two different people. As you can guess, I was just in a different place in life during each time so I’m sure I can chalk up some it to that but I know me and I’m having a hard time convincing myself of that. And as I sit here and type this blog post out, I’m now realizing one of the differences. 

CONVICTION.

In both “diaries”, I wrote out my goals. In the one from 10 years ago, well, I crushed all of those goals. In the one from 2-3 years ago, I only met a few and the difference between the two was the level of conviction I had. In the one from 10 years ago, my words and statements were strong. “I WILL….buy a house, pay off student loans, etc”. In the one from 2-3 years ago, my words and statements were soft. “I’D LIKE TO…..”

My “like” essentially a “lack” and I put no hard timelines on accomplishing them. Looking back through the rest of the entries, my mind was “weak”. I would push then stop. Push then stop and then never start back up again. I would get distracted and that was it. It was over. I was frustrated and I know for sure, I didn’t learn from the experience (because I still have a tendency to repeat some of those same actions!)

When my mind was strong, my convictions were strong. My confidence rode high. I’m sure I faced distractions but I dealt with them, head on, and got back on track. I was DISCIPLINED. I was FOCUSED. I nourished my spirit and in turn, it nourished me.

Let me tell you, looking back on myself through these “diaries” have been eye opening. It’s been like looking in a mirror only it took me back a few years. I’ve challenged myself to re-invest and rebuild myself (six million dollar man style – only the older heads will get that). 

At some point, you have to reflect. At some point, you’ve got to understand that where you are today is a direct result was decisions and actions you’ve taken in the past. BUT – you can’t let any of those get you down or in a rut. You’ve got to keep on keepin’ on. 

Da Babbles

How does taking a picture of your ass in a thong make you a model? What exactly are you modeling? Thongs? Booty implants maybe? How about butt hair removal products?

When did video vixen become an actual career?

People who have music on their web page….I dunno man. I’m not talking about a music player where there’s a selection of songs and I can pick. I’m talking about music playing as soon as you go to the page. I get that…music on the answering machine feel. That was cool in the 90’s but now……hang up.

How many of you called someone’s phone when you knew they wouldn’t answer and played a song? Don’t front. (he/she had you OPEN). I did it. Especially when I fugged up. I was playing Jodeci Stay. “whooooooo-yeah” (K-ci voice)

You know what’s dumb? Twitter beef. But wait….wait….hold up. Social media and reality shows are putting people on a pedestal that shouldn’t be near one. To me, Denzel is a celebrity. You’re not a celebrity if you boned an athlete. No, to me, you’re just a  jump off or as one athlete put it “a post game workout”. That’s it. So when you start popping off on line or on a show, you really make yourself look silly.

Speaking of real celebrities though — Kerry Washington, Scandal, every Thursday on my tv screen = orgasmic. Yeah I said it, orgasmic. I’m talking out of breath, curl up, don’t touch me, bring me some cherry Kool-aid orgasmic.

Everytime I see Rick Ross, I start doing pushups. Man boobs = no bueno.

I waited until 10:59pm to finish my taxes. I wanted to hold on to my money until the last minute. Damn Uncle Sam.

I’m babbling. I’m out. Be back tomorrow.

Crispy Chicken and Fresh Lettuce

Crispy Chicken, Fresh Lettuce, Three Cheeses.

Hold up. 

So the internet (read: digital streets) were set abuzz this past week when Mary J Blige was singing about  chicken in the new Burger King ad. Burger King reacted. Pulled the ad. Got Mary on her heels too. 

I heard so many different stories before I actually saw the ad. I heard she was singing with a piece of fried chicken in her mouth. Luckily that wasn’t the case. 

I have mixed feelings about it. 

On one hand I’m like c’mon Mary. Chicken. Really? What’s the 411? (pun intended) 

On the other hand, I’m thinking how is this any different from the black lady on Popeye’s commercial talking about chicken (who annoys me) or rappers rhyming about 40’s/liquor (they annoy me too) or those commercials that come on during the billion judge shows or reality shows that talk about these career training “colleges” and the only people in the commercial are blacks/latinos.

“Hi I’m a single mom and I was sitting at home doing nothing until I saw this commercial for  the BAC* school and now I’m a medical biller blah blah blah”

Guess what, those annoy me even more!

Oh oh and I KNOW you remember the McDonalds commercial where the dude was singing about his girl creeping in the night for some damn McNuggets. What he say? “Why can’t you share with me?” Dude was crooning…

Oh oh Jackson Hewitt had us dancing cause we got a tax refund……

The point is black people have been singing and dancing in commercials for years (ask Tyrese) and a large part of it is target marketing. You create a message to a target demographic in hopes that they see, they like, they buy. The marketing campaign is either successful or it fails miserably. 

The company cares about it’s bottom line. The celebrity in the commercial should care about their reputation (so should the company). Ultimately it’s the consumer though who has the most power. Don’t like the commercial or the product, don’t buy it.  Watch how things change.